waiting on the train.
i missed my stop on the metro about five exits ago,
somewhere between Pentagon City and King St,
but i have no desire to return home.
i’ve been finding companionship
in the proximity of strangers recently.
people who will never know me or recall me-
yet will live inside me, momentarily,
as emotional relief.
i can just stay here.
let the stations greet me,
and wave goodbye-
and in gentle warmth, i can let myself
relax into the scenery-
submerge into the cushions
as if i’ve always been part of them,
tuck myself- in inner silence—
i imagine on the train,
i am the passerby
of many lifetimes,
including, my own.
like a loose shadow, blended,
but not yet faded,
i spectate the fleeting guests,
the quick sights of the underground,
their muddy textures, rocky lines—
but if i look too long, mindlessly stay,
i risk every station, feeling the same-
i’ll lose track of where i’m going,
and the distances too-
i’ve begun to learn,
absence doesn’t feel
the same as escape,
and often, the clock
can make the distance
and reality conflate.
though, it still tends to lapse on the train,
and in my mind, i’m always timelines away-
head rested upon the windowsill,
eyes, hauntingly returning my gaze,
still conscious enough for comfort,
but far enough way, to teeter the lines-
of rumination and introspection.
i often sit and think,
it’s somewhat counterintuitive
to find solace on a bustling train-
a train decorated with seats discolored
like flour-stained T’s,
tracks as loud as locusts,
and rides against airs with the pressures,
of neptunian winds.
but the noise, is much better, than the
intrusiveness of loneliness.
i can’t bear the quiet.
these days i’m not sure if
the silence is talking to me,
or if i have begun talking to it.
the travel allows me to escape-
and on the metro, i look with certainty,
there’s someone here who feels the same—
someone who has probably
sat through just as many stops,
passed by just as many people,
found just as much solace,
confronted just as much pain.
just one more stop,
and i’ll pen this day.
-
i was lonely until i felt your warmth beside me,
and i don’t know when i’ll ever find my comfort being alone,
but until then, i will hold on, to those distant faces
passing torches to their replacements as they go home.